


Lay My Curses All to Rest

by InsaneJuliann



Series: Better Run, Better Run [3]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Buckley Parents' A+ Parenting, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25044358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneJuliann/pseuds/InsaneJuliann
Summary: Buck's known Eddie's a werewolf for a long time. He doesn't want to explain how he knew - but Eddie deserves to know the truth.Even if it means thinking about the past, which Buck prefers not doing - it's painful to face the fact he's cursed.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Better Run, Better Run [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795057
Comments: 49
Kudos: 341





	Lay My Curses All to Rest

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Curses by The Crane Wives.

Evan Buckley was cursed.

He’d never gotten a straight answer from anyone about why. His mother had always insisted it was because a witch had been paid off by someone who hated them and wanted her and his dad to suffer. His dad maintained Buck had been born under an unlucky star, doomed from his very first breath to never be what he should have been. Maddie had once whispered that she heard their parents arguing about if the curse had even been meant for Buck in the first place.

No matter how it had happened, it was a steady, simple fact of life.

The Earth went around the Sun. Grass was green. Water was wet.

Buck was cursed.

~*~*~

Buck’s parents were very in love with each other.

They had the kind of love story that was in books and movies - two people who weren’t supposed to be together, fighting the odds and their families to do so anyway, purely because they loved one another so much. His mom was from a hunter family. His dad was a werewolf. 

It was very much a Romeo and Juliet thing. 

They’d met through their day jobs, over the phone, and it was months before they met face to face. Though his mom had apparently realized right away that his dad was a werewolf, she’d already fallen for him and had decided it didn’t matter. (Or so Maddie said, when they’d been younger and she’d been telling him the story.)

So, despite their families’ protests, they’d gotten married.

Mom’s family had disowned her for it.

Dad’s pack had kept their distance, especially when Dad and Mom had him and Maddie. Mongrel pups.

One of whom couldn’t even  _ shift _ . Practically human. Pathetic.

Cursed.

~*~*~

Maddie once phrased it as their parents being very good at loving each other and very bad at being parents. She’d meant it as some kind of reassurance, that it wasn’t their fault or Buck’s fault that things were sometimes so unhappy at home. 

Buck personally thought that they were  _ okay  _ at loving each other and really bad at caring about anyone else in the world, not just him and Maddie.

His dad wasn’t that interested in Buck, since he couldn’t shift. Since Buck couldn’t shift, and didn’t have the heightened senses of a werewolf, there was no point in teaching him anything. Maddie - who could shift - insisted Buck wasn’t missing out on much. She insisted - angrily, always in an awful mood after Dad took her for a weekend trip - that it wasn’t fun, and it wasn’t good, and it was all stupid. Buck still longed to go.

Aside from those weekends Dad took her away, shifting wasn’t something she did often. They never met any other wolves besides the few of their dad’s old pack. And then had only visited before there was some huge fight when Buck was six and then never again. The rare times Maddie did shift at home, it was usually in her room, when Buck had a nightmare or something. She would curl around him and he could play with her soft fur, feeling warm and safe.

His mom tried to teach him hunter stuff, for a couple years. Learning about the different kinds of supernaturals was pretty cool. There were so many, so different from Buck, and his own family. Shapeshifters who could steal faces, could look like anyone in the world (but always something was the slightest bit off, a missing detail or a voice not quite mimicked correctly). Witches, with such varied skills and abilities, some harmless and some less so, some hard to find and some easy to pick out of a crowd if you knew what to look for. Vampires - not just the typical ones that fed on blood, but ones that fed off energy or emotions, and their various weaknesses and strengths. 

But sooner than not, Buck started to argue with his mom. As the things she taught him shifted from learning about other supernaturals and more into their weaknesses, how to take advantage, how to find them when they were hiding…. When Buck began seriously questioning her views of the supernatural, the supposedly righteousness of hunting them down, things like that… it hadn’t ended well. 

She stopped teaching him. Changed the locks on her study, so he couldn’t keep sneaking in to read the books and learn more. If he wasn’t going to use the information for anything useful, she’d claimed, he didn’t need to be bothering her or touching things meant for  _ hunters _ . Not for normal humans.

When Maddie went off to college, leaving Buck behind, it really hit him that neither of his parents wanted him. He couldn’t do or be what they wanted. He was just… a mongrel who couldn’t even shift, useless and uninteresting to them. 

For the first time in his life, Buck felt painfully alone. Unwanted.

For the first time, he really did believe he was cursed. 

~*~*~

Buck didn’t realize that first day what it was that was putting him on edge about Eddie.

He didn’t realize Eddie was a werewolf until a week later. 

Once he did, it was weirdly obvious. Not in a way that any normal human would notice, Buck was sure. Hunter families, other werewolves, maybe other supernaturals. But Buck was some weird mix of those (but also not either of them), so he did notice.

Sometimes it felt like the universe’s idea of a joke. Landing Buck on a team of what felt like all supernatural people, and then him, the pathetically human one. 

Because it wasn’t just Eddie, no. Hen was a werewolf too. Chimney was a witch. He wasn’t sure what  _ precisely _ Bobby was, but it had to be something, maybe one of the many and varied types that fell under the ‘fae’ category. Just because Buck hadn’t been interested in his mom’s ‘work’ didn’t mean he had forgotten the stuff he had learned, even the things she’d taught him and intended for him to use as a hunter.

If Buck wanted, he could -

But the point was, he didn’t want to. He never had.

It had been what he thought was the biggest disappointment about him, for his mom. He was interested in everything  _ except _ he didn’t want to take up the same lifestyle she had.

He had wanted to be able to shift, to be wanted by his dad and his dad’s former pack. But he hadn’t been able to, disappointing them all the more.

He was just a mutt, too human to be a proper werewolf even if he had wanted to.

He was interested in all the things hunters needed to learn, but not in being a hunter.

Mongrel. Too human and not human enough. Unwanted by both sides. 

Cursed.

There wasn’t any reason to let the team know that he knew. Too many questions. They could start questioning if he was even trustworthy, which wasn’t something he dared risk happening. They mattered too much for him to want to lose them, the first real family he felt he’d ever had.

Buck didn’t know what, if anything, Maddie had told Chim, but Chim never gave a sign that he knew. So Buck never said anything, even after Maddie and Chim started doing their weird friends-who-weren’t-dating-but-wanted-to thing, pretending he was just another regular human.

He basically was as good as one anyway. 

Sometimes, he thought it’d be easier if he just… never knew any of it.

It’d be easier if he could forget how painfully disappointing he was, thanks to the curse.

~*~*~

Buck woke up warm and with the fuzzy remnants of a dream he couldn’t quite remember. Something about - woods? Running? He wasn’t sure, and the more he tried to remember the less he did.

Sighing, he opened his eyes. He was surprised to see Eddie across the room, in his kitchen. Buck blinked, but he really was there, and it looked like he was considering making breakfast.

Yeah, no thanks. Buck sat up, which of course got Eddie’s immediate attention. Werewolf senses; Buck was used to the flare of envy, not that it ever  _ felt _ any less sharp and longing.

They stared at each other for a moment.

“You are  _ not  _ using my kitchen.”

Eddie snorted, rolling his eyes and closing the fridge door. “Fine then. I’ll order something.” He didn’t give Buck room to argue, so Buck just went about getting ready for the day. Eddie set a glass of water and Buck’s bottle of pain medication on the counter with a pointed look when he joined him in the kitchen.

“I can hear your breathing shift, I know you’re in pain.”

Buck scrunched his nose. “Cheating,” he grumbled, same as he did whenever Maddie pulled that kind of thing. He swallowed a dose of pills though and sat down. 

Eddie sat across from him, a serious look on his face. “So. You knew. How long?”

Buck looked at the table, picking at a scratch in it. “I don’t know, about a week after you got here?”

“That - so basically the whole time?” 

Buck frowned, looking up at the sound of Eddie’s voice, a bit thin and definitely uneasy. “I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“I know,” Eddie said immediately - and Buck wasn’t sure he believed him, but… he  _ wanted  _ to. He wanted to believe that Eddie trusted him that much.

Buck looked back down at the table. 

“How do you know about werewolves?”

That was what Buck didn’t want to talk about. At all. He didn’t talk about his life before the 118, about his childhood, about being cursed the moment he was born, either from an unlucky star or a hired witch - it didn’t matter. He didn’t want to explain any of it. If Eddie was even slightly worried that Buck could have hurt them because he knew so long when Eddie hadn’t known he did… if Buck admitted his mom was a  _ hunter… _ .

He shrugged. His heart was racing and he was sure Eddie could tell. 

“That bad huh?”

Buck grimaced. “It’s - not  _ really _ like you’re thinking,” he said. Sure, his mom was a hunter, but like - Buck hadn’t really been raised to be one, since he’d always argued with her about why she did it. Sure he’d learned some of that stuff, but - 

Eddie leaned closer, eyes sharp and alert. Buck couldn’t hold them for long, throat tight with - shame, maybe, or guilt that he’d never said anything, or… fear.

If he lost Eddie, because he hadn’t said anything, or after he  _ did  _ explain….

Buck wasn’t sure he could take it. Even more than the rest of the team, Buck didn’t think he could stand to lose his best friend.

“I wouldn’t -”

Buck looked up when Eddie cut himself off. He looked weirdly hurt. 

“No matter what it is,” Eddie said quietly. “I know you. I won’t hold your past against you, Buck. No matter what it was.”

Buck swallowed. He blinked a few times, banishing the fuzziness of oncoming tears. Fuck.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Buck set his hands flat on the table and leaned forward too. He and Eddie were mirroring each other now, eyes locking. Buck had to swallow a few times, throat dry, but Eddie just waited, awfully patient and yet stubborn at the same time. 

Buck had to tell him.

It wasn’t fair to keep hiding, keep lying.

“I’m cursed.”

Eddie didn’t even blink. “How?”

Buck took a breath and looked down. “My mom was a hunter and my dad a werewolf. I’m a mongrel. And I can’t shift.”

“What the  _ fuck? _ ” Eddie growled, almost snarled, sounding not at all human. The chair he was in scraped loudly against the floor as he stood up.

If Buck shifted his eyes, just a bit, he could see Eddie’s hands on the table, fingers curled and nails looking a little sharp.

He looked away quickly, pulling his hands off the table into his lap. He felt a little numb, embarrassed and hurt. He wasn’t going to cry, he  _ wouldn’t _ , but fuck he’d actually believed - he’d thought that Eddie wouldn’t -

“Who the  _ hell _ called you that?”

“What?” Buck frowned, not quite daring to look up at Eddie.

“ _ Who _ fucking  _ called you that _ , Buck?”

“I - I don’t -”

“I swear to God, Buck, I -” Eddie cut off, drawing in a deep breath. He let it out slowly. Buck glanced up and over, just enough to see Eddie’s hands again. They were perfectly human once more, pressed flat against the table. “Why would you call yourself that?” His voice was calmer but still tight, on edge.

Buck frowned. He couldn’t bring himself to look up - call it cowardice or habit or a mix of both, he wasn’t sure. 

“That’s what I am.”

“No.” A growl slipped into Eddie’s voice, and he paused for another breath. “No,” he said more calmly. “You’re a Halfbreed, if someone wants to be technical about it or you feel more comfortable being specific.” 

He came over, crouching down next to Buck and grabbing his shoulders, turning Buck a bit and looking at him. He had a deep furrow between his brows and looked….

Pained.

“Is that what your dad’s pack called you?”

He  _ sounded  _ it too.

Buck shrugged. “I mean - yeah. They called Maddie and I that all the time… Dad did too, especially since I’m cursed.”

“You’re not cursed.”

“I can’t shift. And I’m -”

“That has nothing to do with curses.” Eddie shook his head. “Some people just - don’t shift. It happens sometimes.”

Buck wanted to argue. Why hadn’t he heard about it, then? Why had he always been told he was cursed? Cursed as a disappointment, unable to be anything but uselessly human - no good to either side of his family.

He didn’t have to ask why his dad’s pack had apparently been using a derogatory word for what he and Maddie were. Hearing it didn’t surprise him as much as it should have. They’d never liked his dad marrying his mom, and what memories Buck had of their visits were not good ones.

It  _ did  _ still hurt to hear that his dad had, though. Not that he’d been a good dad, or even an okay one, but - still.

“You shouldn’t call yourself those things,” Eddie said, quiet, almost gentle. “And it wasn’t fair for them to take out their anger at your dad’s choice on you and Maddie when you were pups.”

He couldn’t hold Eddie’s gaze, couldn’t handle the way it made something in him twist and ache. “I guess.”

“I’m serious, Buck. Stop calling yourself that, and thinking you’re cursed. You’re not. You’re just - different.”

He swallowed, still avoiding Eddie’s gaze, but nodded a bit. Eddie hadn’t brought up the ‘mom is a hunter’ thing, and Buck wasn’t sure he wanted to. What if Eddie just was going to ignore it? What if Eddie hadn’t even realized it, because he’d been so upset over Buck using the word ‘mongrel’? What if Buck pointed it out again and Eddie realized what it  _ meant _ ? Even if Buck’s curse had applied to him being a disappointment in that regard of his family heritage too, he didn’t think Eddie - or maybe any supernatural - would see it that way. 

Just because Eddie didn’t want to see it, didn’t mean it wasn’t true though.

Buck was cursed to disappoint his family in all ways. He couldn’t shift. He wasn’t a good hunter. Useless and disappointing.

Eddie sighed, squeezing his shoulders before rising. He headed for the door; the doorbell rang when he was about halfway there, and he shot Buck a weirdly smug kind of look over his shoulder. Buck couldn’t help grinning at him, amused, which just seemed to make Eddie even more pleased. He got the food, thanked the kid who delivered, and brought it back over, setting some down in front of Buck before taking his seat again.

“Honestly, kinda glad you already knew. I was always worried Chris was going to forget himself and shift in front of you.” Eddie shook his head, eyes crinkling and looking painfully fond. “He’s gonna be stoked to hear you’re on the approved list now.”

Buck perked up, pushing away the worry. “Approved list?”

“Of people he doesn’t have to be careful around. I don’t really make him restrain his shifting at home or anything, but he has to around anyone not on the list, so.”

“That’s why you have the playdates with him and Denny so often,” Buck realized. “So he can shift and still have a friend to play with.”

Eddie didn’t even seem surprised Buck knew of the others. “Yeah. It’s good for him too, you know, learning to control his play and all. He’s used to having his cousins, back in El Paso, so it was a relief to find someone here close to his age.” He considered Buck, and then asked, “You said you couldn’t shift - but Maddie can?”

“Yeah. She doesn’t do it a lot; she said it’s not as easy or comfortable or whatever as Dad told her it was supposed to be?” Buck shrugged. “And, I mean, we didn’t really know any others besides Dad and his pack, and they stopped coming around when I was six maybe? So… she didn’t really. Sometimes when I had nightmares, but….”

“Probably why it’s harder to scent on her.”

Buck shrugged; he had no idea how it all worked, with his painfully human senses. 

Eddie was watching him, thoughtful. It went so long Buck wanted to squirm a bit.

“Hey, say no if you’re not cool with it, but - come over this weekend. It’s a full moon, so Chris and I will be shifted for a while, but if you’re up for it….”

Buck’s throat was dry. His heart felt like it missed a beat, then pounded extra hard to make up for it. Eddie waited patiently, eating his food and not quite looking away from Buck.

“Yeah?” His voice came out a bit hoarse, embarrassingly enough, but Eddie didn’t comment.

He shrugged. “Why not? You can help me tire Chris out. Just hope you won’t mind being cuddled by him.”

“Hell no I wouldn’t mind.” He hadn’t had wolf cuddles since before Maddie moved out for college. Buck grinned. “I bet he’s just as cute as a - a pup as he is as a kid.”

Eddie grinned, shrugging, but he seemed again a bit smug and pleased. “It’s his superpower. Unparalleled cuteness.”

Buck laughed. “Yeah. I’ll come.”

“Great. Chris’ll be stoked.”

Buck looked down at his food, trying to hide just how wide the stupid grin on his face was. He couldn’t help it, though.

It’d been a long time since Buck hadn’t felt like his curse was so bad. Eddie didn’t seem to mind - hell, Eddie didn’t see it as a curse at all, didn’t see Buck as lesser because he couldn’t shift, or was only half werewolf and half hunter. (Buck wasn’t going to bring it up, not if Eddie wasn’t. He’d said it, and he was a coward for not pressing the issue, but he didn’t want to lose this. He couldn’t.)

Eddie had invited Buck to his home. With his kid. While they’d be shifted during the Full Moon.

The trust warmed him up inside more than anything ever had before.


End file.
